arriere-pensees.
the subconscious self, or maybe not



I'm obfuscated.
I obfuscate myself with different kinds of me in me.
Different group of people sees a different me.

I'm inconstant in anyways
am quite clueless of why is it so

It could be that,
I do not want anyone to know about my identity.
It's not like I did something ignominious in the past,
more likely to be a way of self-protecting.

I never find myself being "real" to anyone.
It's not like I always hold a mask & trust no one.
I just find it hard to really talk to anyone being me.
It's almost impossible to find one who I can
communicate verbally while having the same thoughts & views.

Hey wait!
Never assume things when you know nix about it.
What I meant was, no one cogitates the way like I do.
That's probably the reason why no one could define me.

I find almost everyone, weird.
But I'm quite aware that I am, the weird one.

It seems that I like to observe people,
but not to the extent that I Argus-eyed them.
I'm still quite normal in some way.

I practice too much of it
that, it becomes a habit,
too much that I actually observe people
in both conscious & fore conscious state.

I may be obfuscated
but I am not lost.
I know myself well
even for my weakness itself.

I love negative comments
that are meant for me to change & look into it.
Negative comments that could change me into a better person.

But those that were meant to spite me in anyways
will definitely be ignore & sees as a childish remarks.

I abhor filthy scurrilous ones.
I can never stand one who talks aloud in public.
(I mean, really loud)
They sounded as if they were at their home.
Their "I-Don't-Care" kind of attitude is so uncool.
I see it as an act of selfishness.

One who's guilty of doing something wrong but
tries to find faults for others & acted like they're innocent.
It's a total turn off.

I see these people as low life. backwards.
& chances of me talking to/hanging out
with these people are most likely zero. (except for my dad)
Yes, I do class people.

People who ask stupid questions.
Like, asking the obvious.
It does happen quite a few time during lesson.
& it really irritates me.

It felt as though they like it very much.
Cause when you ask questions,
you're actually interrupting the lesson.
Then, you'll eventually be in the
central of everyone's attention.

& people who does that
obviously make a fool out of themselves.
But i don't see them as a low life
they just need to grow up a little.

me.
I'm a fop.
Am not emo.
Straightforward.
I'm a quiet person in nature.
I'll hold a mask if you're holding one.
Be cruel to me, I'll depart & disappear.

There's no such thing as
"life's a joke itself".
But there's a "joker of your life".

HELLO TO MY FELLOW MINIONS.

I am amazed.
Cause you guys are still coming back here
even though I said that I wouldn't be blogging anymore.

Thus, I decided not to close my blog.
Oh, and this, fishrocks.livejournal.com
is the reason why I've decided not to blog here anymore.

Ciao.

BAM, WHAM, ALL GONE!

I deleted them,
like how I deleted unwanted memories in my head.

Yes, I'm an asshole. An asshole who doesn't lie.
Unlike you, liar.

Hello to that unknown 6 who view my blog everyday.
I won't be blogging here anymore. (Do you get my hint?)

REPEAL SECTION 377A!
stereotype those undesirable ones, us, Gay.

Religious ones judge us
Law sentence us
Love was suppose to be free
When has it becomes a crime & immoral act?

I believe you've already heard
about the recent hot topic of whether to repeal s377A.

-


I just signed the online letter to repeal S377A.
Got to know about this from one of my friend's blog & the new paper. I didn't really shown much interest in this issue at first.

S377A, to me, is just another jumble of numbers & alphabets. Never thought anything related to discrimination would come out from this. Cause I always have this strong belief that, laws that were introduced in our country were meant to protect us.

YES, TO PROTECT & PREVENT US
from being either physically, mentally, or even verbally damage. Putting up such law like 377A is pure discrimination, casting out people from society just because they are
slightly "different" doesn't makes sense.

To me, the subject here is not homosexuality but equality. Who are we to criminalise any group of individuals who has done no harm to our society?!

The first thought that comes to me regarding 377A
is about promoting safe sex or to minimise the spreading of HIV. Naturally, I'd think it as a harmless law cause it's for our sake.

But on second look/thoughts, it's DISCRIMINATION.

Quote from THE NEW PAPER Thursday, 18 Oct:
"Can we see beyond the person and focus on the logic, the larger picture, of the case?"

To make it simple, it means,
look beyond the gay issue.
Don't judge the book by its cover.

If the authorities would not actively prosecute
people under Section 3777A, then why still want it?

WHY?

-

But the Big Question that has been bothering me is:
To put up such law that wouldn't be actively prosecute, could it be that, the Government's real intention was to wipe out that particular group? Is that their very first step? What's next? (these are just merely thoughts of a curious citizen
don't have to take it to your heart)

I didn't learn History for nothing.
My lecturer often makes us think about what's going on around us, & question our self whether the world is repeating the history itself.

I used to hate this subject, History.
& questions like these often pop out in the middle of history class,
"Why the hell do we need to study what's in the past, it's already OVER!"
"Are we going to learn how to think & live like the old age people?"

But still, I figured out the answer for my question at the age when i was mature enough to be rational.

DON'T LET THE HISTORY REPEAT! PREVENT!
"It's not like history has got anything to this issue, GAY."
You might be thinking about that.

BUT, think again. The subject here is not homosexuality but equality. Do I still need to repeat that?

Some might still want to stress that gay sex has nothing to do about equality. Its gross, lets make them criminals & put them behind the bars. Its unnatural, unlike heterosexual sex.

Why do they process such thoughts?

Aw.. look at that, since when Playboy's sign started facing on the right? OH WAIT, it's facing the left side. But it's, eh, duck?

-
No? Tom thinks that it's a rabbit,
doesn't looks anything like a duck?

But Dick thinks it's nothing like a rabbit,
it's obviously a duck.

Jerry thinks that it's both duck and rabbit.
It's just how you want to see it as.
-

Get my point?
What?! Are you that straight to not even understand
what's the moral of my combination of picture+story ?



People often choose to see things that they wish to see.
That's my point. Go think about it.

But some champion might want to say this,
"It's neither a duck nor rabbit."
"It's just a stupid plain drawing!"
I'd say such person are called, puerile.

-

Who choose to be gay, it's not like we have a choice,
who in the right mind wants to be gay knowing all the difficulties that one will face.

It's not a choice,
it's not something you do by saying "I want to be homosexual". Who would want to be born to feel different as others, to fit in, or even being detest?

Being gay, i realize, is like being straight, except straight is considered "normal" because society says so, because majority is always right, but if people were born gay, society and the system thinks otherwise.

Sexuality is determined by genetic makeup and not by personal choice. We should not punish someone because of their genes.

But what is immoral?
Is it true that religion is used as a tool of intolerance,
for closed minded people.
-




-

We, the citizens of Singapore,
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society
based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

-

Where is the justice?
Where is the equality?
What happenend to our pledge?


Support equal rights for ALL.

Before you seek to condemn,
have you sought to understand?

Kiss away young thrills & kills
on the mouths of all your friends
are your life holding your head to the gun again?


We're all sensitive people
our gossip lips stuttered every word
your lies just won't stop slipping
what does it takes to be mean?

do people around still believe in
a random act of kindness?
does it hurts to feel a little less guilt & a little less thrill

ever thought that life's such a routine?
hmm, maybe.

good morning & goodbye

CHECK OUT THEIR FUGLY
NATURE OF BEING A TOTAL IDIOT
i see the shape of an "L" on their forehead.



"LACKY ASS" PISS THE HELL OUT OF ME.
it simply means,
A person who kisses ass & reigns praise upon
those around them in order to better themselves

they complain & talk bad about everyone around them
worst, they claimed that you're a friend
when they're talking shit about you. damned.

they will always have a way to advertise themselves
& make them look like they are the "good guys"
then screw your reputation & make you lose your mind

now, this is when you go confront that fella
who has caused harm or temporary discomfort to you
& even before you start confronting, that crap hella wet his pants
cry running to papa and go boohoo about you

you're fucking annoyed
now you look furious, like you're gonna barbecue that fella
passerby thinks that you're a bully
& that is when you become the "bad guy"

what a genuine moron who takes pride in humiliating others
don't you just fucking agree with me?

Thoughts come to me just like you talk to me
When you think about me, is anything real at all?

it's alright to go out at night & forget who you are
then it's up in the morning & back to the start


I can't escape the monotony of hate
My bad again?

-

hello conscience how do you do
I've come a long way to talk with you
you've been causing chaos for much too long

these mixed emotions are much too strong
& i hear you got a problem with the way I am
my bad my bad

-


it tells a story. go read the picture :)

people bitch around
said unpleasent stuff 'bout whoever they despise
got stabbed at & stab back
dared one another & welcome bad karma
always had paranoid suspicion with people around
why is it so hard to trust?

Nobody's perfect & I stand accused
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse

i welcome them with open arms
i got stabbed a million & one time
i lost my faith to this world,
a masquerade of humility.


i hate bullying. stop it, please.
all these backwardness, it's eating me up.

SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
pain is inevitable.

loneliness has always been a friend of mine
cause i choose to suffer.



& how you got me blind is still a mystery

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

the end.

happy christmas to all
i hate christmas
so pls don't merry christmas me.

i ran into a friend of yours the other day
& i asked her how you've been
she said you're fine,
still smiling, got a job, real good man
i told her i was glad for you
that's wonderful

but does she ever ask 'bout me?

she said,
she's happy with her life right now
let her go, let her be

& i told myself i would,
but something in my heart
just would not let you go
i just wanna know..

your friend asked me
if there was someone special
in my life that i was seeing

i told her
there was no one in particular
there's just i, myself, & me

i told her that i think of u quite often
she just cut her eyes at me
she said you got a guy, you're very happy
so just stop your meddling

i told her that i won't
i said things were cool,
but i guess i was wrong
i still can't move on..

Ven aquí, cariño.
Come here, darling.

We don't have to be in love
We can just be friends
I will be right there,
beginning to the end

I can bring my girls,
you can bring your friends
We can both have fun,
don't want this stuff to end

Cause now,
it's the same sad story that we all know,
how lovers make mistakes
& watch it all blow

They say love is pain and pain is love

YOU GAVE A LOUSY HINT.
words fly up, thoughts remain below.

To friends out there
Don't worry about life,
you're not going to survive it anyway.

one are not willing to give
trust to anyone
that's why it's all facade
doubts are everywhere

thanks to that,
i lost my opportunity.
& there goes my big break

they claim hurting
to be self-defense
just to cover their
immoral act

if you look closely,
indirectly,
it's an anti-social society.

Love is a curse. Flirting is narcotic.

if you think that u've been cursed
sufferin' from the pain within
try flirting

Twelfth Night

"If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die."
-an unrequited love